Every family is different, and every child is unique. However, there are tips and rules to keep in mind when planning and implementing contact. Try them as an inspiration.
We can't tell in advance whether a tip or rule will work for you. However, suppose you are already in contact with our Office. In that case, you can make an appointment with the office psychologist to discuss whether and how to apply these rules.
How to explain to the child when they will be with the other parent?
The feeling of uncertainty is very unpleasant for each of us. However, let's not forget that children also want to know what is waiting for them and what to prepare for.
Try to give them a graphic plan of both parents' care, or describe it in a letter you give to the child.
Once such a plan has been made, the parents must follow it and not further betray the child's trust.
Parents can post the contact plan on a notice board at home, and the parent who is with the child more often should prepare the child for the contact, together with the child, and positively motivate the child.
For younger children, dollhouses can be helpful where parents can show the child what to expect (packing, car/plane ride, bed at the other parent's house, fun at the other parent's house, return).
It is the parent's job to update the contact plan according to the child's needs - obviously, contact when the child attends nursery school may be different than when the child attends primary school.
How to deal with information that the child has not been well with the other parent?
Naturally, a child will not always return from contact completely satisfied. It is not the right way to deal with the situation to ignore the child's dissatisfaction. Still, at the same time, parents must not pass on the responsibility for improving the situation to the child.
Again, the parents must resolve the situation together to avoid unpleasant situations for the child in the future. The options for parents to deal with such a situation are summarised in the section on tools to promote parental agreement.
Twenty wishes for children when parents separate
Wishes can be hard to say. It is often very difficult for children of parents who are separating to make their wishes known to the parents they do not want to betray. These wishes capture typical situations repeated in families dealing with parental separation. Parents may try to carry out these wishes without their child asking for them.
